Stop Auditioning for People Who Aren’t Casting You

Have you ever walked away from a conversation and replayed it in your head?

Why did I say that?

Did they think I was weird?

Maybe I talked too much.

Maybe I should have said this instead.

Or maybe you've posted something online, watched the likes come in slower than expected and immediately started questioning something you genuinely loved five minutes earlier.

We don't call it an audition.

But sometimes that's exactly what we're doing.

We're performing.

Adjusting.

Reading the room.

Trying to figure out which version of ourselves will receive the best response.

And eventually, you have to ask:

Who exactly am I auditioning for?

Even more importantly:

Are they even casting?

The Exhausting Business of Being Liked

Most of us want to be liked.

That's human.

We want acceptance from our families.

Respect from our coworkers.

Support from our friends.

Engagement from our followers.

Approval from people we admire.

There's nothing inherently wrong with that.

The problem begins when approval becomes the deciding factor in whether we believe something about ourselves is valuable.

You liked the outfit—until somebody made a comment.

You believed in the business—until nobody understood it.

You loved your idea—until somebody else's performed better online.

You were excited about your new direction—until someone asked whether you were sure.

Suddenly, we're handing people voting rights in decisions they were never supposed to control.

Everybody Isn't Your Audience

This is something branding taught me that also applies beautifully to life:

Everybody isn't your audience.

A strong brand doesn't try to convince every person in the world to love it.

It understands who it is.

It communicates that clearly.

And then it connects with the people who get it.

People aren't that different.

Somebody can be an incredible person and still not be your person.

A room can be full of wonderful people and still not be your room.

An opportunity can be amazing and still not be your opportunity.

Rejection doesn't automatically mean something is wrong with you.

Sometimes the fit simply isn't there.

What Happens When You Keep Auditioning?

You become adaptable.

At first, that can feel like a strength.

You know how to read people.

You know what makes them comfortable.

You understand what gets applause.

So you become a little more of that.

And a little less of something else.

Eventually, you can become so skilled at presenting the version everyone wants that you're not quite sure what the unedited version looks like anymore.

That's the dangerous part.

Because people may actually love the person you're presenting.

And somehow, you can still feel unseen.

Why?

Because deep down you know:

They haven't met all of you yet.

You Don't Need to Win Every Room

Some people aren't going to understand you.

Some people won't like your personality.

Your business won't appeal to everyone.

Your content won't resonate with everybody.

Someone will think you're too loud.

Someone else will think you're too quiet.

Too ambitious.

Not ambitious enough.

Too different.

Too ordinary.

Too much.

Not enough.

If you spend your life trying to resolve every one of those opinions, you will spend your entire life in rehearsal.

And you'll never actually perform your own show.

Ask Yourself: Where Am I Performing?

This question can be uncomfortable.

Where do you change yourself the most?

Around certain friends?

At work?

Online?

Around family?

While dating?

In business?

Do you notice yourself editing opinions before saying them?

Do you buy things because you genuinely want them—or because you want the identity associated with having them?

Do you create things you're excited about—or things you think will perform well?

Do you say yes because you want to—or because saying no might disappoint somebody?

These aren't questions with perfect answers.

They're simply worth asking.

Approval Feels Good. Alignment Feels Better.

I don't think the goal is to become a person who doesn't care what anybody thinks.

That's unrealistic.

Feedback matters.

Wisdom matters.

Community matters.

Sometimes other people see things about us that we cannot see ourselves.

But there's a difference between receiving feedback and outsourcing your identity.

One helps you grow.

The other tells you that you're only valuable when somebody else confirms it.

That's not the life I want.

And it's certainly not what Make Being Yourself Cool Again® is about.

You Already Have the Part

Maybe you've been waiting for someone to say:

You're ready.

You're talented.

You're interesting.

You're beautiful.

You're qualified.

You're cool.

You're enough.

But what if that isn't their line?

What if it's yours?

There comes a point where you have to stop standing in front of people waiting for them to cast you in a role in your own life.

You already have the part.

So show up.

Wear it.

Build it.

Say it.

Create it.

Try it.

Be awkward.

Change your mind.

Get better.

Start over.

But stop auditioning.

You're already you.

And that's exactly who we came to see.

KEEP BRANCHING

Where in your life do you feel like you're still auditioning for approval?